Liar, LiarWelcome to the club, fellow prevaricators. Don’t forget to add these gems to our growing vocabulary of sneaky things roadies say (and what we really mean):
“It’s not that hilly”
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you’ll fall over – backward. You only have a 39x23 low gear?.....Here’s the name of my knee surgeon.
“This energy bar tastes like real food”
Translation: This energy bar tastes like real dog food.
“It’s not that windy”Translation: Yes, that was a mobile home cartwheeling by. No, they’re not supposed to be that mobile.
“I was just riding along when it broke”
Translation: I rode down a flight of stairs on my 398-gram race wheels. I drove into the garage with my bike on the roof. I decided to save weight by filing the rails on my saddle.
“This is a no-drop ride”Translation: I’ll need an article of your clothing. It’s for the search-and-rescue dogs.
“The proprietary Carbonium tubing yields a stiff yet compliant ride”
Translation: This bike feels exactly like the 14 gazillion others produced in a monster factory in Taiwan, but our marketing guy had to come up with something to justify the $4,000 price tag.
“It’s not that far”Translation: Yes, it is.
"Let’s just go easy today"Translation: hair on fire, can’t breathe, tasting blood, narrowed vision.
